Feb 14th

Grateful for tiny perfections.

Is it just me, or do you also find the simple, repetitious things help to still the mind, calm the emotional storm.

An arm in the making, perfectly round, no seams.  No seams!  Such beauty.  I will be forever grateful to the woman who introduced me to magic loop knitting.  You know who you are *smile*.

Work was cathartic today.  Exactly what I needed.

Group counseling sessions were arranged for the morning, freely available to anyone who wanted to attend.  A very skilled person facilitated us through the labyrinth of emotions we were experiencing.  Because you see, it's not just what's happened to D that is impacting... it's the myriad of past experiences that this moment hijacks from the memory banks and thrusts into the present.  Like the suicide of a co-worker's brother five years ago.  Like the death of a co-worker's partner as a result of a heart attack three years ago.  Death.  So real, so potent, so evocative.  No one is immune.

I realised retrospectively just how much guilt I was carrying as a result of remaining silent.

Towards the end of the group session, I asked if there was anything we should be looking for, when soul's are bared.  Anything to indicate the darkness of where they may be.  From there, the tears spilled, the space held with so much love, no judgement, just love.  As the words tumbled, arms reached out in comfort, but still, respectful silence was granted, allowing me to relieve my heart uninterrupted.

 I learned that Faye had been made aware.  That D had agreed to a meet the very next day, the day he never showed for.  In that one revelation, my resolve melted.  I stood to leave, holding it together, until I turned to see open arms and the warmest brown eyes staring back at me.  No expectation, just love.  I hesitated for a micro second before dissolving into her arms, releasing hours and hours of pent up grief and guilt.  I sobbed and sobbed as she stroked my hair, whispering in my ear words that escape me now.  

I emerged from her embrace to find a tight circle of five people surrounding us, holding my coffee cup with tissues at the ready.  I looked at the three already soaked in my hand, and laughed out loud at how I had underestimated myself. 

The rest of the day, was interspersed with taking a call from a customer, a conversation with a peer, a laugh at D's crazy sense of humour, a shared quiet moment in thought, a smile with, prior to today, a relative stranger...  The bonding, the sense of community with such a large collection of colleagues has been heartwarming.  And while every 30 seconds or so, I needed to consciously take a deep breath to make sure the oxygen reached the depths of my soul, with every breath, it got easier and less conscious.

I sit here writing, conscious of how my eyes still feel swollen hours later, but my heart feels so much less burdened.  The laughs outnumbered the tears by the time I left the office today.  And tomorrow will be slightly easier again.  Until then, my hands remain busy with my wee arm in the making.  Oh, and a glass of merlot, or two. 

Feb 13th

When the world outside seems a little surreal at times, I take solace in the familiar.

A morning spent lazily at home with my precious loved ones.

An afternoon luxuriating in the company of a very special birthday girl and all those who hold her dear.

Work beckons tomorrow.

With one chair that won't be filled.

I'm not sure what to expect.  What the energy at work will bring.  What support tools management will have put in place.  I'm wondering when the funeral will be.  How many of us will be given leave to attend.  That's the thing with the nature of my work, the calls don't stop coming, payments still need to be made, questions still need to be answered.  The world keeps turning.  That's what I mean by surreal.

Feb 12th

Comments.

*smile*

A few nights ago, while crafting up a storm, we got to talking about this blog.

And a few discovered that you could in fact comment now (after the first few days I had removed that option).

I assured my devotees (*grin*), that yes, they could in fact comment, but I just wouldn't be publishing any of them.  Most of the room were confused as to why.

So in the event, anyone else is wondering the same, I thought I would clarify here.

When I first began this blog, it was mostly just for me.  A daily reminder of all the things in my life that I have to be thankful for.  A reminder to be present, remain present, acknowledge each day, rather than lamenting the past or concerning myself with the future.

I decided to make it public (and tell people) as a way of keeping myself accountable.  I have serious commitment issues and it is just my style to begin something, passionate and full of the best intentions to see it to fruition, but to get bored along the way and busy myself with other projects while it dies a natural, but inevitable death.

The first two comments I received were questions about where I purchased the milk.  Perfectly reasonable questions and completely harmless.  But having them on the blog, sitting there under my post about gratefulness didn't rest well with me.  I wasn't sure why at the time, but going on instinct, I unpublished them and then sat with the feeling to see what would be revealed.

When I talked to my women just recently, about their views on my decision not to publish, I asked them, "If your comment is directed to me, why do you wish to see them published?"  One said she wasn't bothered if her comments were published or not, as they were for the blogger, but she was curious as to my reasons, as she thought it unusual to allow comments, but not publish them.  Another response I received was that their comments were not just for the blogger, they were made to initiate and engage in public discussion.  I had never considered that before!  It was quite an enlightening moment.  And another appreciated the gift of privacy to share her very personal thoughts.  And that is part of the reason why I choose not to publish.

Every post on this blog, is an insight into my life, my view on the world and on my day.  Each post contains a little piece of my heart and soul.  They are mementos to myself.  And it just doesn't feel right having them up for conversation.  I feel any discussion relating to my thoughts of the day has the potential to take the post on a completely different tangent and runs the risk of losing the essence of what I wrote and the reason of why I'm writing.  Of course, it may not always happen that way, but in the event it might, it feels right to keep the comments all to myself - a 'comment horde' I think I was referred to as *smile*.

Which brings me to the second part of the reason, touched on above.  I have received some wonderful, heart-warming responses.  Very special glimpses into the souls of some beautiful people, whom would not have otherwise shared their thoughts and feelings with me, had their comments been made part of a public forum.  

So please, if you feel moved, I would love to hear your thoughts.  I treasure each and every one of them.  And I would love to acknowledge them and you personally, to respond in kind, so a return email address would be wonderful, if you wouldn't mind *smile*

In other news, my latest progress on my first attempt at a knitted doll for Lucy (started last Wednesday at craft night).  Craft and me is a bit like books and me.  I often have a couple of projects on the go.  The little rounds of foam are not altogether forgotten.... just set aside for the moment *smile*.

Feb 11th

Honey, we'll miss you!

Damn it!

When the tears welled up in your eyes this week as you shared your heartache with me.

When you stared at me as the words flowed, incredulous that you were sharing with me so freely because, as you mentioned "I hardly know you!", I knew instinctively to step closer to you, to take your hand, oh so subtly.... we were at work after all, standing conspicuously in the middle of the floor.

When you said to me "I feel like doing something stupid" and I pulled your eyes to mine and told you you were loved, really loved, I'm not sure you heard me.  I'm not sure you were even present, so acute was your heartache.

I'm so sorry I did nothing.

I'm so sorry I ignored my instinct to tell Faye and decided instead to not violate your trust, your privacy.

Privacy, always privacy.  The catchphrase of our workplace.  Protecting the privacy of our customers, of our colleagues, of ourselves.  Sweet D.  I'm just so sorry.

I'm sorry you weren't heard.  I'm so sorry we didn't act sooner when you weren't here.  I'm so sorry you felt there was no other choice.  No one there for you.

I will miss our excited catch-ups over the updates to the website you were so proudly building. I will miss talking tech and comparing phones with you and not so quietly espousing the benefits of HTC over iphone *smile*.  I will miss your strut around the office, your swish dress sense, your beautiful shoes.

And I will miss your smile.  Oh how I will miss your huge smile that took your eyes and face hostage in its radiance.  Thank you for trusting me with your heart for those small moments.  

My tears are finally falling for you sweet D.

They took a while to come.  But they flow freely now.
I think of you flowing freely now.  Free from struggle, free from pain so suffocating you couldn't breathe.  Fly free darling man.

Until next time xx

Feb 10th

Taking the night off screen time to hang with my man.

Back tomorrow ;o)

Feb 9th

We rose at 2.15pm today.

A glorious sleep in, apparently much needed, as we fell asleep in front of the box before 9pm last night!

We had great plans to work on our businesses, but alas I was swept up in facebook world not long after rising and attending to sustenance then laundry.

We ventured into the outside world briefly to pick up supplies, then retreated back into our nest to potter and revel in doing not very much at all *smile*.

I had a wonderful phone conversation with my sweet sister living in the motherland and once again, did my best to convince her living here with her two darling children was the ultimate place for her.  One day, she may just take me up on my suggestion *smile*.  A woman can hope.

Then it was time to go craftin'

I do so love these evenings.

Tonight was filled with ladybugs and dinosaurs, birds and giraffes, tears and laughter.  And a very big announcement.  A dear, dear friend is departing our wee community and returning to the motherland of her husband.  A stint of only a few years we hope - a wonderful opportunity for their future - but oh gosh, how we will miss her *tears*.  I am doing my best not to grieve just yet (loss, such a selfish emotion, no?), as she is still within arms reach.  And I will savour that and treasure her for as long as we have her.  More words fail me just now, so a few pics from our evening...

Feb 8th

Today was another one of those get up, go to work, come home, eat food, go to bed kinda days.

Nothing significant happened.  

Nothing out of the ordinary.

However, I did finish one of my books!

Bless metro public transport for the opportunity to do that!

I want to share the synopsis of the book with you.

The seven secrets of magic.

Cos I think they're great!

The book itself is fantastic.  The writing style is story telling, autobiographical and it's an easy read.

I highly, highly recommend it.

Magic, as told by William Whitecloud.  Thank you William, from the bottom of my heart.

THE FIRST SECRET OF MAGIC

Your thoughts and feelings aren't real.

Your thoughts and feelings aer expressions of your underlying assumptions in any moment, not reflections of actual reality or what is truly possible.

THE SECOND SECRET OF MAGIC

Your focus creates your reality.

Your experience in life is determined by what you put your attention on.  If you focus on end results, you inevitably attract what you want.  If you focus too much on what you *have to do* to get what you want, you end up attracting your doubts, fears and beliefs.

THE THIRD SECRET OF MAGIC

Everyone has a heart.

Having a heart means that you do have dreams, that there are things you love, things that are deeply important to you.  An inherent part of the human journey is that at some point you end up putting more energy into protecting your heart than following it.

THE FOURTH SECRET OF MAGIC

There is never anything to do, but always action to take.

Action is about taking direct steps, based on the obvious, towards creating what you want.  Doing is about fulfilling certain conditions you believe are necessary before you can get what you want.

THE FIFTH SECRET OF MAGIC

Structure has integrity.

Something's structure dictates its behaviour and its behaviour dictates its experience.  In creative terms, what your attention is focused on forms the underlying structure of your consciousness,  The motivations behind what you do in life reveal your true focus.

THE SIXTH SECRET OF MAGIC

You get your energy from a higher source.

As a human being, you have the tendency to develop fixed concepts about what is in your highest good and where it is supposed to come from.  The key to magic is developing the ability to let go of your fixed concepts and open up to the true source of your energy.

THE SEVENTH SECRET OF MAGIC

It takes will.

Ultimately, your highest source of energy is your own heart.  Yet the paradox is that you are conditioned to protect your heart, a behaviour motivated by fear.  Your fears are communicated to you by thoughts and feelings,  There can be no sustainable change in your experience of life, unless you have the will to choose following your heart over resolving your thoughts and feelings.

Feb 7th

Today I am grateful for the elixir that is divine bean.

When you've had a shite day at work.

And all you want to do is bury your head under the blankets and not come out for a week.

When your customers scream obscenity after profanity at you when you say no, because that's easier than taking responsibility for the situation they have found themselves in.

When the only face you want to rest your eyes on is two train rides and a short walk away, and may as well be in Uzbekistan.  

When all you really need is 10 minutes down time.

That's when the bean really shines.

Yes, this is my poison.  My drug.  My delight on a dark day.  

My happy juice.  And it worked a treat today.

Tied me over, just until I spied my beloved walking towards me down the street and I shouted to him from 200 metres away "Sprinkle me with kisses!  I've had a shitty day!"  To which he replied words to the effect of "absafuckinglutely".  Well, to be honest, I couldn't hear what his words said, but that's most definitely what his eyes said, and that's all I could see *smile*.

Dinner was wonderful - it always is when someone else cooks it, brings it to you, takes it away and cleans up.  And now we are home, about to snuggle in to another fix of season one of Alias.

With another shot of divine elixir.

*sigh*

Au Revoir darlings

xx

Feb 6th

Yes, I know I have raved about Suzie, our thermomix many, many times.  But today really was another of those 'oh thank heavens for thermie' moments.

As thermie was sauteing the onions, garlic and spices, I was chopping the potato.

As thermie was cooking the potato in with the coconut milk and alliaceous veg, I was dicing the chicken and rest of the solanaceae vegetables.

As thermie was cooking the entire curry and the rice cooker was cooking the rice, I was cleaning the boards and knives and benches.  And I was smiling.  A lot. *grin*.

I was utterly, utterly grateful for this machine this evening.  For the convenience of inbuilt scales for weighing.  For the ease of cooking without stirring and constant checking.  For the simplicity of cleaning one pot used for preparation and cooking.  Oh - and did I mention it whipped up banana, date and walnut bread for us this afternoon?

I also began a new crafting project today.

And had a ridiculous amount of fun playing with an electric bread knife!

This is where it currently sits at.  Progress shots as they develop.

Something happened this afternoon that utterly warmed our hearts.

Lucy picked up some offcuts from my foam project and this is what she discovered, all by herself....

It seems love can be found almost anywhere you look!

*sigh*

Feb 5th

It's almost ten pm and I gaze over at Ben and ask "What am I grateful for today"?

He notices my laptop battery signal is in the red, leans over and plugs me in and says "that I give your laptop power?"

Well yes darling, but I can't construct a whole blog post about just that!

So I got to thinking about my day.  Mostly uneventful in the extraordinary sense.

Hanging out with Ben and Lu at home.  A little bit of shopping for the cat (it's her birthday *smile*).  A little bit of baking and a little bit of online action.

Lucy *helping* Moo blow out her candles

And that's where I paused.  Online action.  Online friendships.  Online access.

I could count more than 50 people in the last 2 years that I have grown to know - just via online communication.  Via facebook, via online forums, via blogs.

AMAZING PEOPLE!

People I would not have had the opportunity to get to know, had I been restricted to my immediate community (and luckily for me - some happen to *be* within that immediate community!!).

But most are not.

Take April for example.  April I met online via JB a couple of years ago and later in person through JB meets.  April pops foremost in my mind because I have spent most of the last hour discovering even more about this beautiful, fascinating woman through her blog - which has only just come to my attention.

And then there's April's wife, Clare.  And Clare's husband Steven.  A gorgeous couple who fell in love as childhood sweethearts and remain as in love and besotted with each other now as they were 17 years and six children ago.

And of course Sazz.  Who I am blessed to get a regular fix of, along with her two scrumptious girls.  And Sazz's wife Sarah, who I have only just become to know last year (we are blessed with eldest daughters of similar temperaments and therefore enjoy a glass of wine or two together in celebration from time to time *smile*).

Then there's the raw food crew, whom thanks to FB I have become quite friendly (and at times quite smutty!) with.  

And all the wonderful, wonderful women on JB - and later FB when we all outed ourselves IRL, stepping out from behind our handles.  The friendships, the laughter, the heckling, the commiserations, the support, the challenges, the joy, the love.  

So enriching.  So time-consuming!  But so, sooooo important.

I am grateful for technology availability.  For me and for those that I have come to love and cherish via a screen and modem.  I am grateful for networking of like minds, places where we can come together for each other and for ourselves.  And I am grateful for the generosity of spirit.  Of those who share a little of their souls with me - directly and indirectly via their personal blog or online forum.  I have come to learn so much, benefit so much - both about the men and (mostly) women in my virtual life and about myself as a result.  I do so much enjoy revelations - of all kinds.

Reading April's blog tonight, I came to a post about her JMan.  How he is her best friend (although she doesn't actually like the term 'best', because friendship isn't something to be measured - how right she is!) and it sent a huge surge through my heart and body for the man sitting beside me.  

How I have been absent, in my own little world for a few days now and how I feel I have been neglecting a very precious person who deserves more of me than I have had available lately.

Thank you April, for my timely wake up call *smile*.

And on that note.....

Until tomorrow 

xx

Feb 4th

My daughter arrived this afternoon with a couple of new friends.

The mama bear was given to me a few years ago by my MIL.  I loved it.

Her acknowledgment of my baby wearing in a positive light was really sweet.

Lu has always loved playing with it.  Little did I know her enjoyment would turn into the uncontrollable beast that is beanie-kid-addiction.  Sigh.

I blame her cousins, naturally.

The 18 year old started her collection at around age seven I think and has about a hundred thousand of the things.  The 14 year old started hers around the same age and has close to the same.  And so it begins.  At four.

Well, it could be worse I guess.  It could be Barbie.  Or goddess forbid - B***tz.

I asked her to introduce them all to me and the first one she proudly thrust in my hand was "Aussie Bear!"  I attempted, fairly successfully I think, to hold back my frown.  A bear constructed with an Australian flag, known as the Aussie bear.

Three cheers for those who can guess what my absolute next move was.

Clue one: www.beaniekids.com

And what was my search criteria?

You guessed it!

And this is who I found!!

For one, I was so pleased he was even in existence.

For two, I was even more pleased that I found him under the search criteria of indigenous, and not my first (cringing as I typed) assumed label, aboriginal.

Yay beanie kids.

So Murri bear will be added to the collection in due time.

And while there is no Maori beanie kid in existence that I know of (the NZ one is green and all about eating kiwifruit ??), I am very grateful to be offering my hybrid child dolls that represent in a small way, two cultures present within one of the countries she hails from.

Feb 3rd

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

The year of the Golden Rabbit.

A year for stillness, patience, calm.  Persuasion over force.  A year to focus on home, family, security, diplomacy and relationships with women and children.  A year in which creating a safe, peaceful lifestyle will come easily and be beneficial.

The rabbit is also the symbol of the moon.  So full moon energy this Chinese year will be especially potent, particularly in manifesting desires.

Speaking of the moon, tonight is also the shadow moon, so please, go gently.

With our new moon rising tomorrow and our lunar goddess waxing once again. 

Prompted by my conversation yesterday, I rekindled my fascination with the unknown.

It was mostly just floating around in the back of my subconscious, not really saying much.  And then this book leapt out at me while I was in the bookstore.  Its content is all about the exposé of the mystery schools (a particular scholarly interest of mine and has been for many years).  

And today I actively got out of bed and out the door half an hour earlier than usual, just so I could catch the train and sink my teeth into it.  I find Black very amusing, quite cheeky and freakishly informed (so far).  I am thoroughly enjoying myself and we're only up to the Garden of Eden (we started at the beginning, of course).

I imagine I will be spouting my thoughts and opinions in the coming weeks, as I delve deeper and deeper.  This was my favourite snippet from today:

Chapter 1, page 32.

"So in this story, what did happen before time?  What was the primal mental event?

In this story God reflected on Himself.  He looked, as it were, into an imaginary mirror and saw the future.  He imagined beings very much like Himself.  He imagined free, creative beings capable of loving so intelligently and thinking so lovingly that they could transform themselves and others of their kind in their innermost being."

I especially loved "... beings capable of loving so intelligently and thinking so lovingly..."

Gosh.  Could you imagine a world like that?

Feb 2nd

Lots happened in my day today.

I caught up with a gorgeous woman and her 18 month old son over coffee (and received a fabulous bottle of champers as a belated housewarming gift!).

Spent an hour with a fine selection of my circle of women.

Spent another hour with my daughter for her orientation into 4yo kinda.

I also indulged with my beloved on espresso, pastry and sweet goodness.

Lost almost three hours in the depths of one of my favourite bookstores.

Found the perfect gift for a nearly 3yo very close to my heart.

Made vegetable stock concentrate in the TMX and

watched way too many Alias re-runs on an unnaturally large screen in my living room.

I am immensely grateful for all of these activities in my day, for a myriad of reasons, but one thing happened today that really stood out to me.  One thing that really settled into my heart, on how grateful I was for this encounter.  

I'll elaborate *smile*.

It happened, quite organically as these things often do, during the hour I spent with my women-folk.  The conversation moseyed around sex, historical feminist figures, child raising (all fairly standard issue in our circle).  And then it turned to religion.

One of our women was sharing her very personal journey, thoughts and feelings on investigating a return into the fold of Christianity.  Now, when you get a room filled with intelligent, confident, respectful, thoughtful and secure-in-their standing people, and a topic like religion is raised, the conversation is bound to be excited!  

Which is exactly what happened.

In that mix of women today (if you could please forgive the labeling about to occur), sat our woman currently investigating her belief system (who acknowledges a former Christian belief), a Theosophist-cum-Pagan/Wiccan, a secure and contented Christian, a former Muslim and V (I didn't quite catch where V stood on the spectrum).

Now, the thing I'm grateful for?

Not once in that outspoken conversation was anyone belittled.

Not once in that passionate conversation was anyone discredited.

Not once in that opinionated conversation was anyone argumentative or self-rightous.

Not once in that conversation was anyone bigoted.

Not once.

Freedom of speech, while often touted, is rarely met without defensiveness or judgement.

As pack animals by nature, any differences in opinion held by those in our vicinity tends to bring up feelings of fear.  We often need to be validated in our thoughts and actions by those around us, in order to feel safe, on the right track, confident of our spot within the safety of community.

I find it is a rare person that is so secure in their beliefs, that they sit comfortably in earshot of someone sharing a different belief.  That they do not feel the need to convince or condemn - vocally or even in thought.  And while I do not know the thoughts of the women I was conversing with today, the energy in the room was one of openness, of respect, of curiosity, of harmony.

And it was just lovely *smile*.

Thank you sweet women.  For a most wondrous moment in my day.

And because a post isn't complete without some visual delight - allow me!

A nutritional therapist's daughter that one! *laugh*

 Always drawn to the easel.

The improved fine-motor skill dexterity and increase in concentration span is awesome.

Feb 1st

Thank you Kint, Leesa and Megan for the pleasure of your company this evening!  

Dinner was lovely - almost as good as the conversation!

And seeing Burlesque AGAIN was magnificent (I'm currently downloading the soundtrack *smile*).

A lovely end to a relaxing day, spent attending the needs of my beloved busily deep in healing mode.

And tomorrow I have a coffee date with a very dear friend and her boy button (I can't wait!), before meeting up with Lucy for her first day of 4yo kinda!

But now - more episodes of Alias and some sofa snuggling catch up with the man.

Night all!

________________________________

I've just realised it was Lammas today and I missed it!
I have always thought it fell on Feb 2nd.
Seems this year, it was today.
Lammas is traditionally the time for first harvest - a time to take stock of what you have, a time to be grateful.  Well, that just goes without saying. *smile*

Jan 31st

Flying home.

Lucy is an incredible traveler. 

Having flown internationally and domestically five times in her four years (the first at three months old), with numerous long car rides, bus rides and train rides (it's all entirely my doing, poor wee button), she not only looks forward to our nomadic wanderings, she seems to really enjoy them!

It helps to have a few tools on-board to help when boredom does eventually kick in *smile*.

Then we found ourselves smack bang in the middle of rush hour traffic on the Monash Fwy.  Only today, an incident had occurred an hour or so before we got there, involving a truck, lots of skid marks and a break in the median barrier.  The lane closures were just reopening as we approached the site of the accident, but up until Huntingdale road, it was a sloooooow crawl.

But we did see a couple of rams on the way!!!  Much to the delight of Lucy and amazement of Ben (not so much the presence of the rams themselves, more the size of the anatomy that identified them to us as rams *wink*)

So a very, very long day of traveling, but it was nice to curl up on the sofa to season one of Alias and drink beer in the comfort of our wee sanctuary *bliss*.

Jan 30th

At the beginning of this year, I sent a message to three women I have gotten to know on line over the past three years or so.  I have never met these women in real life.  I have met them through a homebirthing forum I frequent and of course, facebook. 

In that message, I told them that whatever happened, by the end of this year, I will have wrapped my arms around them and cast my eyes upon them - in the flesh!  The response from all three women was fabulous *smile*.  

One of these women live in rural Victoria, one in Sydney and one in Brisbane.  I live in Melbourne.  So it's not like they are just round the corner *smile*.  As I share quite a lot of my life via facebook, on hearing I was coming to the Gold Coast, my woman-friend from Brisbane instantly messaged me, asking if we were free for a catch up!  I was unbelievably stoked!!

So, with it not even being the end of January, I have my arms around one of my women-friend on my 'to do' list *laugh*. 

Thank you Rachael.  Thank you for making the long drive on a Sunday morning with your four gorgeous children in tow.  Your gift to us of your presence today was so heart-warming.  I knew, I just *knew* we would deepen our connection once we were face-to-face.  We had such a wonderful time with you and your buttons today.  Thank you again *kiss*!

Today is also our anniversary*.  

So after some post-op worries were relieved, we celebrated with Rachael and her children, at the beach, in true French style *smile*. 

*We actually celebrate a four day anniversary.  We discovered our mutual feelings for each other on the 27th, but it wasn't until the 30th when we laid eyes on each other for the first time after the revelation of our new dynamic.  The 30th holds other symbology for us, so this is the most recognised day, but as the 30th only comes around 11 months out of 12, we reserve the right to celebrate on any day from the 27th *smile*.  Makes life easy for getaways too!  A weekend usually falls across that period! *laugh*

 

 Happy anniversary my sweet beloved.

It's been a rockin' 12 months and I'm unbelievably excited to see what the next has on the agenda!

*mwah*

Jan 29th

Grateful for access to the best surgeons.

  Grateful for the blessings and well-wishers of loved ones.

 Grateful for procedural flexibility, allowing us to visit in post-op recovery.

Grateful for the opportunity to celebrate in style.

Jan 28th

The power of the word 'can't'.

Lu loves the water.  Like most children - stands there shivering, blue lips and still wants to be in it.  Place her in a heated pool in 30 degree temperatures and she's in her element (conditions I much prefer as a mama, to be honest).

 

Today, we were playing in the kiddies pool.  Lu started bouncing (as you do) and due to the gentle slope of the bottom of the pool, very quickly found herself bouncing with her head almost submerged.  On lifting her up and allowing the spit and water to splutter out, she immediately tells me to put her down (quite sternly actually).

 Now this happened twice!  I am very grateful that it wasn't enough to scare her out of the water (and for my cautious child, this was quite astonishing to me).  Although it really did highlight to me just how helpless she is in the water.  And it scares me.

 So I decided to bring up the issue of swimming.  Learning how to flip and float on her back and a doggie paddle.  She thinks it's all a bit of a joke and tells me flat out "I can't".  Now if there is one word in our vocabulary I abhor, it's the word "can't".  I think it started with my mother saying to me "there's no such thing as can't" - which I will always be eternally grateful to her for instilling in me.

 My own later learnings about the power of manifestation have only strengthened my resolve to remove that word from my vicinity.  I must admit, I badgered Lu a bit this afternoon about practicing.  She continued to grump at me (in between squeals of delight at our play and her environment) and tell me "I can't!".  So I chose to reframe it.

 I asked her not to say "can't" anymore, because she can, it's only that she doesn't want to.  And that's okay.  So, after a couple of reminders, when I asked her to swim, she changed "I can't" to "I don't want to".  Which is a perfectly acceptable answer. 

I want my child to know she can do anything.  Anything at all, if she chooses to and focuses on it.  But I also want her to know that if she doesn't want to do something, then that is perfectly acceptable and must be respected.  So in order to achieve anything you want in your life, you must first change your language.  And there just ain't no place in the business of achieving goals, for the word 'can't'.

And one day, with a little luck (and a smidgen of parental persuasion), Lu may just take me up on my offer of helping her learn to swim *smile*.