Nov 3rd

Grateful for trust.

The trust of a small girl, in a foreign place, surrounded by strangers, knowing my plans to leave her.  Trust in me that she is safe and that I will return.

Trust of a mama bear, handing over her first born to me, as they unpack their life from boxes.  Trust that she will be cared for as my own.  Fed, nurtured, protected.

Trust of a wee girl leaping into my arms and waving her mother goodbye, as we pull out of the driveway.  Trust in her mother and in me, that she is safe in my care, in my car, in my home.

Trust in knowing the people that come into my life - for a moment, a minute or a lifetime - are they to serve my growth.  To nurture me.  To mirror me.  To challenge me.  All for my highest good.

Trust in messages of logic from the mindspace and of authenticity of the heartspace.  Trust in intuition of which to follow.

Trust in knowing without a doubt, that every decision is the right decision.

For that moment in time.  How could it not?

And knowing this makes outcomes seem less scary, less concerning.

Because regardless of whether a decision has an outcome filled with joy or an outcome filled with pain, it was the outcome that needed to happen for that moment in time.

Trust in knowing I have the internal resources and external connections to work me through anything placed in my path.

Trust in knowing that everything is as it's meant to be.

Relieves the pressure something wonderful.

Oct 10th

Knock knock.

Who's there?

No really, who's there?

Are you there?

Cos, I would LOVE to hear from you!

Yes, I am talking to you, my treasured reader.  This isn't a random, weird philosophical poem in the making *smile*.  A blog I frequent in intermittent stints (the way I usually catch up on blogs I love) posted recently about how she loves to hear the thoughts of the people who read her musings.  We blog owners are questionably blessed with access to statistics on who frequents our pages, when they read, where they are from, what search engine they use and what URL they came via.  Which means I know that April 8th had the most number of hits ever, at 96 page views with March 20 coming in second with 87 page views.  It also means that for the month of September there were 965 page views and curiously, only six of you commented *smile*.

Now I know one or two of my close friends will say "but I have nothing worth saying!"  May I let you in on a little secret - every single one of you interests me.  I WANT to hear whatever it is that you think or feel about what I post.  I'm not invested in your thoughts per se; what I mean is, my sense of self is not attached to what you comment or whether you comment at all - but I'm interested in you, in the people that find my musings interesting enough to come back a second time (or more).

None of your comments are published (read more here on why that is, in the event you missed February 12th's post), but I treasure every single one of them.  And they will be (anonymously) published in the book this blog will be turned into at the end of the 365 days.  So it would be wonderful to include more!  For posterity's sake. *laugh*

Even if you were to say "I was here".  That would be lovely.  I'd like that a lot.

Conversely, I found myself guilty of the same.  Reading without posting.  I blame time!  Which is a ridiculous excuse.  The particular blogger who prompted this post is a mama of three children, who facilitates the learning of her children at home, as well as runs a small business where she sews clothes, as well as moderates on a busy online forum.  And those are just the activities I know of!  And the time it takes me to read her musings and leave a loving comment is a fraction of the time it has taken her to snap images, upload, formulate and create a thoughtful post for my viewing and reading pleasure... so no-time is no longer an excuse I'm employing.

Online media is another way we disconnect with the world around us through not having to engage.  We can observe without having to interact.  But where's the quality in that?

I invite you.  Engage with me :o)

(And if you include an email address, I will email back!)

August 11th

While contemplating something new and interesting to highlight in my day (for your reading pleasure, naturally), I was prompted to think of the first thing I noticed today (thanks, Kris!).

And it struck me in an instant - Lucy slept through the night!

A most potent reason for gratitude if ever I did strike one!

Any parent will attest that a night of unbroken sleep is a magnificent blessing, one that has you ready to shuffle on your knees to an altar, to deliver offerings to the sleep gods and goddesses, while still in your pj's, rubbing crud out of your eyes, all the while grinning like an insanely happy idiot.

I can count the number of times my girl has slept through the night on one hand, with fingers left over.

Did I mention she's five in six weeks?

When I say "slept through" - I mean does not wake from the moment she falls asleep at half seven pm, to the time she wakes up and demands porridge at around half six am.

I got over it about two years ago, the not sleeping through thing.

I was like most first timers.  Waiting for that magical time when my uninterrupted sleeps would be mine again.

Six weeks?  Not even I was that naive *grin*.

Six months?  It's possible....

12 months!  Um, nope... okay.

By two - SURELY by two!....? No?

My girl was never much of a sleeper (we've been through this before, I'll save you the lament).  I don't know why I thought it would *magically* change at a given age.  Or what would make it change?!  I laugh affectionately at my ever-hopeful self of years past.  I just thank the goddesses I was content to bedshare with my button, cos I can't imagine the zombie I would be now if I had needed to *get up* to her every time she woke and called - oh gosh.  No, let's not even contemplate what THAT person might look like.  Eep!

She was lying in bed with me yesterday and planning our bed linen for our next change.  She was suggesting pink (she knows I don't care much for the colour, however she adores it).  I said she might want her own bed by the time the next linen change comes.  She told me quite matter of factly that, no, she doesn't think so.  She informed me she was going to sleep with me forever.

I smiled a genuine heartfelt smile at that (it took a few years to get to that happy place).  I know she won't be in my bed forever but I do so love our snuggles for the half a week she's with me.  And I know I'll miss them when she does eventually decide to have her own sleeping space.

So I'm grateful for four things today (and here's me wondering earlier what I could write about!).

One - that my babe slept through the night.  Which meant two things: her body had uninterrupted time to heal and mine had uninterrupted time to recharge.

Two - that my girl, at five, still chooses to snuggle up with me every night.  I believe there is a real energetic and psychic connection that happens between people that share sleeping spaces.  Energetically traveling into the astral world while your physical bodies are so close... Aside from the fact that huge trust exists between two people that choose to be at their most vulnerable, with each other.

Three, that my wee girl appears to be on the mend.  No out of the ordinary bodily excretions today.  Great appetite (comparatively) and lots of giggles and hilarity tonight.  She even got off the couch!  I eagerly anticipate a continued upswing tomorrow.

And four - the heart-swelling, kindness and thoughtfulness of wee friends.

And the stickers did indeed cheer her up.
Thank you sweet friends.