Nov 17th

A day of quality time and giggles with my girl.

I was preparing lunch when these wee creatures came to say hello!

I crept round to find out where they were coming from and saw this:

She cracks me up.

I have such a thing for baby toes.

Although she informs me they're not baby toes.  They're five-year-old toes.  She's right of course, but I told her she would always be my baby.  She said, "even when I'm 74?".  "Yep."  I love how abstract her brain is getting.  She saw an upholstery head for the new vacuum sitting on the bench and told me this gorgeous convoluted story about how... god, I can't even remember now.  But it was imaginative and funny and very descriptive!  It is a freaky looking head, granted.

I can see why the imagination was inspired.

Lots of time in the garden, pulling weeds, getting nudie for our vitamin D shots.  Lots of reading stories, more fairytales (goddess help me, they're Grimm - Disney doesn't get past the front door - but still, they're not these kinds of fairytales, a collection I would very much like to get my hands on.).  And a trip to the stores to return a brand new dress in favour of a thrifted one (first brand new item of external clothing I have bought myself in months and months - it just didn't sit right, I'm quite curious about my reaction being strong enough to actually take back to the store a perfectly reasonable dress... will investigate further another day).  Plus the thrifted one is much more gorgeous.  Lucy said so.

Oh and a curious encounter in the food court, as we stopped for sushi.  A collection of about five young men around the ages of 13 to 15 sharing a table with us, trying to gather as many coins as they could find between them, to cover a sushi handroll.  As I was watching this play out beside us - much to my utter joy and delight, I saw two older young men, say 16 or so, walk past with a McDs soft drink and soft-serve.  This was the food I was expecting our youth to be indulging in when Mum wasn't cooking - so to see these young men trying to find enough money to buy sushi, when the amount they had would have covered a soft serve, soft drink, fries or a hamburger, gave me such delight.

One of the younger ones noticed me watching them, smiling, and politely asked me for 30 cents, the amount they were short.  I eagerly handed it over and told them if I hadn't just spent the last of my cash on my child's lunch, I would have bought them all sushi, such was my joy at seeing them consciously choose to put vital foods into their bodies, when faced with many choices of the opposite.

Interestingly I noticed from that moment on, one would haul the other up when profanity was spoken, which hadn't been a consideration until that point.  How sweet!  Speaking of awesome things-sushi inspired.  Today, I noticed this!

Throughout my 12 or so years of studying nutrition and loving sushi, I have always fantasized about sushi being made with brown rice.  Apparently only found in the larger Sushi Sushi bars.  If shopping in my local, that would be the bar upstairs.  Downstairs near Aldi don't offer this option.  I am stoked about all things sushi today.

And my girl.  Totally rockin' my world.

Oct 20th

Grateful for the blessings of warmth and rain, bursting our new garden into a flourishing frenzy.

Shots comparing the trees when newly planted, and today!

Grateful for warm spring evenings and wonderful excuses for firing up the BBQ (and grateful for undercover outdoor eating spaces so dining can continue when spring rains arrive!)

And passionately grateful for the relationship the two most important people in my life, share.

*swoon*

Sept 29th

So I'm done.

Yep.

30 practices in 29 days.

I totally rock.

HUGE gratuity kudos for Ben and Lucy, for supporting me in making this happen.

It's quite possible I may be conquering my fear of commitment.  Well, if I don't put it out there, I can't very well make moves towards the reality, now can I?  Fake it til you make it and all that.  I'm not a stubborn person.  I don't tend to have a pig-headedness about anything.  I'm the kind of person that gets incredibly excited about a new idea, rush into it all cylinders firing, only to get bored, lament the loss of free time I had before and promptly discard my new activity for something else.  Or nothing at all.  With zero feelings of guilt, regret or failure.  I just decide I don't want to do it anymore and that's that.

Now, I know a lot of people that are absolutely cringing reading that statement.  How can I NOT finish something?!  Don't I feel something is missing?  Don't I lie awake at night, bothered by it?  Nope.  Easy come, easy go, really.  It did start to bother me in the last few years.  Not so much that I don't stick with anything - I don't believe in flogging a dying horse, or going down with the ship.  Let the horse die peacefully and abandon that sinking vessel while you still can!  Moreso, I was concerned that I didn't have what it *takes* to complete something.  Sticktoitiveness.  Did I quit when things didn't seem to be going anywhere, or when I lost my passion - or did I quit when things got hard?  I wasn't sure and exploring the idea scared the beezeejus out of me.  But I had to know.

When I decided to do the challenge, I just wanted to commit to trying to complete the 30 days.  I knew care arrangements had the potential to make things tricky, so I was prepared to relinquish a day if logistics were the reason.  But that only reason aside, I wanted to commit to going - ill, tired, bloated, fatigued, scared, frazzled - or not.  Once I put it out there (wrote my name on the board, told two teachers and posted my intention here), things started falling into place.  When I talked to my beloved, he offered to mind Lucy on days he could, so I could practice.  And before I knew it, every single day offered a class at a time that worked in with my life.

So, it quickly moved from intending to try, to actually doing the bloody thing.

And here we are.  With only one real moment of "I sooooo don't wanna go today".  I think I actually willed time to stand still so I could sleep for another ten minutes that morning.  Turns out I do have what it takes to finish something.  And I'm quite pleased about that.  It was a pretty good endurance test, of both the physical, mental and emotional kind.  And spiritual some would argue.  But I have no idea how to go about that part intentionally through yoga, so I'm not sure I can count it (although it most likely is happening without my conscious awareness *grin*).

I've been playing with the idea of packing the wine glass away for the month of October.  This challenge seems a little scarier than yoga for 30 days, to be honest.  But again, I want to know if I can.  So, I think I will *smile*.  Fancy joining me?

In other news, had a total cute overload today.

My studio put on a school holidays class for kids.  One set of most postures, no heat.

Minimum age was 6.  The studio owner, Jacquie met Lucy and fell in love with her, after Lucy pulled her best downward dog.  So she was given a place *grin*.  

She was so tiny next to the other nine mini yogis.  But her determination, her focus and her concentration in her practice melted my heart.  I pushed back the tears a couple of times.  I was lucky to be able to capture shots, so I'll leave you with a couple.  So much cute.

xxx

Sept 28th

A most gorgeous, auspicious, magnificent day!

The fifth anniversary of the birth of my beautiful girl.

On this day, five years ago.

30 minutes old.

What a journey from then to now!

Whoever said children are your biggest teachers totally had my number.  I have changed completely and utterly, fundamentally, since the day Lucy was born.  She has challenged my view on everything, EVERYTHING!  I almost couldn't find another soul so completely opposite to me in so many ways.  The way we view the world, our first instincts in all situations, socially... I have seen a whole new world through Lucy's eyes - one I most likely would not have chosen to be bothered seeing, but have been forced to witness to help me understand the way she thinks and the way she responds to life.  As a result, I have become more empathetic, more understanding, more compassionate, more accepting.

And the people that have come into my life, directly as a result of having this wee girl, born at this time.  Magnificent people!  People I call family, sisters.  People I will know for the rest of my life.  People that treasure me, us, as much as we treasure them.  People who have enriched my life beyond measure and continue to do so.  People I would be utterly lost in this vast country, in this complex journey of parenthood, without.  People I adore with my whole heart and soul.

Birthdays are very special to me.

The day the world got that little bit more magical, because someone so amazingly special was born, is absolutely a day to celebrate!  The birth of my child is incredibly special to me.  Not only was our world blessed with another beautiful soul, it was also the day I moved from lover into mother, through the most incredibly intense and powerful transformation of my life to date.  Her birth was very primal, very raw.  I knew so much about birth, and yet nothing at all.  The experience of her birth took me to the limits of my soul and back again.  Had me escaping from my body, flying into the trees never wanting to return, then being wrenched back through the height of an intense contraction, screaming as though on fire (I was told later).  The feeling of her furry head between my fingers as she began emerging from my body is an experience I will never forget.  Alongside the sensation of birthing all four kilos of her in two pushes.

Yes, this is a day with much for me to rejoice and remember, to share with one of the most important people in my life.  And today, we did just that.  A wee ritual or two of our own was shared.  Flicking through the 100 photos of my labour and her birth is one we love to do.  Painting of her fingernails in any colour she chooses - a special ritual for birthdays only.  Today, she chose her clothes.  She loves the frou-frou my girl *smile*.  Bright, spring party dress, pink tiara and ruby red shoes.  Birthing necklace and a strand of her own dress-up necklace for me.  And a day of outings, at her request.

Then on returning home, an hour of her favourite cartoon, Dora and fish and chips for dinner.  A late bedtime AS WELL as the usual two stories (which can often be exchanged for an extended play and later bedtime).  She fell asleep with a smile on her face and her mama's arms wrapped around her.

A full and most joyous day for us both. <3

Sept 17th

"Mum.  There's some good news as well as some bad news", she says emerging from the house to meet us in the garden.

Shovel down.  Full attention.  "Okay.  What's happened?"

"Well, the water overflowed the cups and has spilled."

"Where is the spill, babe?  What's wet?"

"On the carpet."

"Okay, show me?"

In we go to investigation and this is the net effect of her activities (the process of which involved the spill):

*melt*

It reminds me of the empty box story - know it?

The story goes that some time ago, a man punished his 3 year old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper.  Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.  Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father: an empty box.  He yelled at her, "Don't you know that when you give someone a present, there's supposed to be something inside it?"  The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "Oh, Daddy, it is not empty.  I blew kisses into the box.  All for you, Daddy."  The father was crushed.  He put his arms around his little girl, and begged for her forgiveness.  It is told that the man kept that gold box by his bed for years and whenever he was discouraged, he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there.

I first heard that story before I became a parent and it has always lingered in my mind.  As a result, I have always attempted to investigate first, obtain as much information as I possibly can, before reacting.  It's bode well for all my relationships - but particularly parenting.  I can't imagine my own heartache, had I reacted negatively at my child spilling water over the carpet (using the water jug herself is something she has only done once before today), only to discover she had poured a glass of water for the three of us, because we would be thirsty after our hard work shoveling dirt in the garden.  I understand she needed to take the jug into the family room, because that is the only space with a table low enough for her to steadily hold and pour a heavy water jug.

I'm grateful for being privy to the beautiful, generous, thoughtful spirit emerging within this child.

Bless, Lucy.  I feel very privileged to be your Mama xxx

Sept 8th

I am so unbelievably tired, I feel quite incoherent, so please forgive if I start to ramble.

I've read back on a few posts and they really are lacking in any kind of literary lustre.  Not that I'm claiming to be any Ernest Hemingway, but still, I like to think my posts are mildly entertaining.  Please bear with me.  I promise more come October (after about the third or so, as I imagine I'll be sleeping for two days straight after the completion of this freakin' ordeal I have committed myself to).

So I did go to yoga this morning.

After a hideous night's sleep - I think I was terrified the alarm wasn't going to go off.  I kept waking and wondering the time.  I asked Ben to check at 3am (after which he was unable to get back to sleep and got up to work).  I slept fitfully until 5am when he came in to wake me.  I could barely get my arms up to my ears in half moon (let alone behind them).  Energy seemed to pick up once I hit the floor, but boy was I glad when we hit final savasna.  I think I lay on the floor in the dark for about five minutes before dragging my carcass to the showers.

Picking up my button was the highlight of my week - but oh my, do almost five-year-olds have endless energy!  Thankfully she's a stay-at-home kinda gal and I had a house that needed attending.  So we hung out all day at home - and it was marvelous.  There was dancing in between the floor clearing, painting in between the surface clearing, strawberry planting in between the paperwork sorting.

 Dancin', babywearin' style!

And I finally did today, what I have had intention towards doing for months.  LOVE it when that happens!  I began our wall of lovin'.  Cards, letters, poems and mementos given to us from loved ones - too beautiful to dispose of and too inspiring to bury away in a drawer.  

It makes me smile every time I walk past it (which is often, as it's in the hallway between the living and sleeping quarters).

I enjoyed TWO glasses of wine tonight, as it kind of feels like a night off.  Practice tomorrow is a 6pm class - a break my body is very much looking forward to.  In fact, I'm already thinking of ways to bribe my child to stay in bed with me for as long as possible tomorrow morning.... perhaps I'll pull out the big guns and stow the ipad under the bed *smile*.

Oh - and something I was grateful for two days ago, but forgot to post about.

Free protein powder samples, courtesy of Raw Pleasure.

Best stuff on the market, in my personal opinion.

Very excited!

June 24th

Grateful today, for time spent with my incredible girl.

Lucy is so patient with my hour of work I need to do every morning.  I feel the hugest surge of gratitude when I hear her singing away to herself, happily painting in the adjoining room while "mama does work".  She asked me this morning, why I do work.  And the answer, for most likely the first time ever in my life was, "because I enjoy it".  And, I explained, because I'm helping people.  Which is not unique to positions of my past (everyone needs a babysitter, new shoes, their dishes washed, their motel room cleaned, a beer, a meal, a flight, a mobile phone, and an income support payment from time to time). But with this work, I really am enjoying myself.  Which is a pretty great thing right now, considering it's not currently generating any revenue!  I digress...

Our morning today was a cafe date, enjoying the gorgeous company of a new friend.

We sat and chatted for nearly two hours and my darling child sat, sung, drew pictures, practiced letters, gave me cuddles, made our company and me giggle, and just downright rocked my world with her patience and perseverance.  Because, let's face it - adult conversation is not really all that interesting, unless you're a participating adult (generally).

After our wonderful coffee date, I trundled her with me, on my errands - from the drycleaners, to the op shop to buy a milk jug, to the toy library (not for fun stuff!), to the store to replace a teapot and tea set that was broken last night.  We found a new tea set - and stocked up on new dress-ups and cotton (cos you can never have too much cotton), all and all spending well over an hour browsing this huge store.  It wasn't until she looked up at me from under her new wide-brimmed races hat and mentioned she was hungry that I realised it was half past two and I felt immediately dreadful that I had neglected to feed my child!

Fifteen minutes and two ham salad sandwiches later, we were sitting at our island bench, and I found myself marveling at how utterly, deeply and completely I was lovingly besotted with this child.

We spent the rest of the afternoon playing dress-ups, making snails, hearts, globes and dice out of fimo and watching every species under the sun giving birth on You Tube.  Her idea of a perfect afternoon.  (Did you know that some sharks birth live young??!!)

I am so grateful for this wee woman in my life.

I absolutely adore the age of four-five - where everything is analysed in the most lateral and fascinating way.  Where no subject is taboo and no opinion voiced too loudly.

Thank you my little Goose.

For sharing your world with me and for putting up with me in yours.

Forever loving you, your mama xxxx

June 16th

Grateful for an afternoon and evening of connection,

with a gorgeous wee soul I'm blessed to be traveling this crazy 'ole life with.

And grateful for connection with me.

Happy full moon.

xxx