I'm feeling in a headspace where I just want to check out of all screen time.
I feel like my entire life is sucked into a tiny box.
I realised late last week that I hadn't been to yoga in nearly two weeks.
And that my days when Lucy wasn't with me, were spent sitting on the floor, typing into my computer.
I have a commitment to this blog.
I have a commitment to the A&O fb page.
And I have a commitment to building the A&O website, which is not getting anywhere near enough attention.
On top of that, I keep up with my network of 276 or so people in my fb personal circle. Okay, so perhaps not all of them, but at least one hundred of them I have regular contact with. Each morning I'm greeted with an average of two personal messages and 10 to 15 notifications. And that's before I even begin checking the newsfeed to see what's going on in the world's I'm not directly a part of.
I love the communication! I love the connection. I feel very grateful to have this number of people in my life that I can truly call wonderful friends. But it's coming at a cost. A cost to my personal life. A cost to furthering my professional life. A cost to my time. A cost I no longer want to justify.
So, it's time for time out.
Yesterday was a fb (mostly) free day and we had a wonderful time together.
I claimed two days in a row of yoga, which my body so desperately needed (my muscles are sore - THAT'S how long it's been!). So, I said farewell for now, locked down the account and switched off. Then spent a bit of the morning updating A&O, asking for more questions, sharing a few links - then I closed the lid.
The plan was to do some sewing. I've been wanting to create more wee wipes for ages, but have been waiting for my overlocker to come back from service after the mammoth cloth pad sewing frenzy. It's been back for more than a week, but I still haven't made the time.
That plan didn't work out so well. The machine needed re-threading and I thought I needed a special needle threader for one of the lower needles (which Ben later showed me I didn't - bless having lateral thinkers in your life). So I spent nearly two hours driving around town trying to find this needle threader, which was out of stock everywhere, and instead I came home with a parasol and another craft book (I did control myself on the fat, lush 100% wool yarn I stood fondling for 10 minutes).
I got home, still pissed that my afternoon was a write off (a feeling that escalated ten-fold once I was shown I didn't need the needle threader at all), but brightened with the news my beloved was leaving work earlier than anticipated.
We had plans to drive for 45 minutes to soak in the hot pools but neither of us wanted to leave the house by the time he got home. So we chilled out with cocktails and curry.
Another change I'm implementing today, is an early bedtime and an early rise.
I plan to make the 6am yoga class tomorrow and be home by 8am to start work - another purposeful act of reclaiming my time. So, with a 5am alarm set, it's bedtime at half ten at the latest.
I will also enjoy spending more time with Lucy in the morning when she's here - rather than attempting to secure 'another few minutes' and 'another few minutes' as she all but drags me out of bed at 6am saying "I'm hungry, cook me porridge!" Never fun after a 1am bedtime the night before.
I'm grateful for self-honesty. Acknowledging when things need to change.
And I'm grateful for sourcing the resolve to embrace that change.
FB is an addiction, no doubt about it. Cold turkey, like with anything, takes fortitude!
I will be back. Once I can find that balance. And perhaps after a considered tightening of my world.