April 10th

An awesome day and evening with my beloved.

Started the morning with our walk, then he decided to come to yoga with me!

I was actually quite excited!  Which surprised me.  

Not about being excited, cos I'm easily excitable.  

It was more about my happiness to share.  To share that one little solo activity that I do for myself.  My *my* time.  My alone time.  A time I covet and protect so fiercely (I find it makes me a nicer person).  And also a time and place where I get to be sweaty, red-faced, ungainly, in pain, contorted, weak, strong, teary, arrogant, a show-off, unguarded - IN PRIVATE.  Well, private in the respect that I don't know anyone in my yoga class, outside of my yoga class.  There's a real freedom in that.

I had a small moment of anxiety, wondering how I would actually feel after the fact (thinking about how you would feel in theory is quite different to eventuality!), but I let it go, because it was more important to me to support Ben in finding his passion for stretch and strength building, than it was for me to remain precious about *my* yoga.  And I had a sneaking suspicion he would totally love it *grin*.

I was even generous to the extent of offering him a place beside my mat.  I was torn between not wanting to be distracted by him or him by me (scantily-clad gorgeousness dripping with sweat, bending over within reaching distance, c'mon, you see my concern here, surely) and wanting to be close for moral support (it is a mind-fuck this type of yoga) and posture show-how.  In the end, I gave him the option and he chose to be next to me, so that's what we did.

And it was ace.

I admit to sneaking a few peeks (even though the idea is to remain focused on ourselves, to improve our posture and maintain concentration) and I wasn't tooooo distracted *smile*.  I think that was more to do with the pain I was inflicting on myself at the time than anything else.  And he had awesome form.  And with a natural flexibility, he was already well into some of the deeper postures.  

He loved it.  Which of course, I totally knew would be the case.

And I'm so happy!  

I actually feel excited about sharing this wee ritual of mine.  

And this says a couple of things to me.  Mostly that I feel so damn comfortable with this man, that I can still push myself within this class, without concern about how I look, or how I come across, or how I perform from class to class (because it varies CONSIDERABLY!).  And I love that about him.  But mostly, I love that about me *smile*.

So I'm grateful today, for the little indicators that I am getting really ace at self-awareness and analysis and becoming more automatic with acknowledging and accepting my ego control-holds, then relinquishing them.