Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Oct 11th

My day today was filled with extreme contrasts.

Daylight hours were work hours.  When I sit at home, on my computer, rifling through nutrition and fertility references, tapping away with the kittens and fb for company.  Unless I'm in the thick of something fascinating, I find days like this long and quite lonely.  I'm a social person, I like noise, people, energy.  I like quiet too sometimes, just not all the time.

Evening arrived and I was amongst a swarm of the complete opposite!
Women, children - and a baby!  Brand spankers gorgeous squishy wee thing he is too *swoon*.  The kind of noise where you can barely hear the woman next to you talking.  The kind of people you could find something to talk about with until the very end of your days.  The kind of energy where you feel enveloped in an ocean of joy.  Much laughter, much smut, much crafting.

I must admit, it's not difficult for me to determine which kind of environment I prefer.  I'm very much looking forward to launching this website and designing it to be self-sufficient, so I can find myself immersed into a day-to-day activity of a different kind, of the people kind.  There will be elements of alone time, my soul needs it and this business requires it, but there is a large component of being surrounded by people, from all walks of life.  The kind of work that I was very much designed to do.

But before I go off spending my days fantasizing about the future, I must pay attention to the here and now.  And pull my commitment socks up (they're slouching a little at the moment).  This year has been all about confronting my fear of commitment.  I will truly feel complete once this fertility and nutrition baby is birthed and walking unassisted.  She's been a loooooong time in the making and has had many incarnations.

Today, I'm grateful for instances of clarity.  Confirming in my head the callings of my heart.  The same song has been singing for a while now, I'm not sure how much more I need to hear it before I embody it and start paying attention.  Or perhaps I already have, in this new business proposal...  Perhaps I already have.  That's a nice thought!  I get there, eventually.

PS, thank you to all who commented <3.  It's wonderful to hear from you, out there in cyberspace.
More please! :oD

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